Yesterday I started seeing a counselor again. Even though I know that counseling is the right move for me right now, there is always a fear that when I share my life with someone they will reject me.
About two years ago I went to the counseling center at my university to ask for help. I was having a very difficult time controlling my thoughts and emotions and felt like a counselor would help me to figure out some things that I could change so that I could function better in regards to my schoolwork, relationships, and work.
I had been to counseling once before for similar reasons and I left the session every time feeling relieved and with a positive direction (he always left me with tasks to complete during the week).
Unfortunately, that was not the case with this new counselor at the university. Instead of feeling better every time that I left, I was feeling much worse. I would call Sifa in hysterics feeling completely hopeless because the counseling was not helping me and I felt like my depression was getting worse. I stayed there for about a month and a half until it happened: MY COUNSELOR FELL ASLEEP DURING OUR SESSION. I was silent for a few seconds and then I started speaking really loud and she jolted awake. She acted like nothing had happened and just said, “Mmhmm.” I can laugh about it now, but inside it felt like a huge rejection.
I am making my problems seem bigger than they are.
My concerns are so boring that they made a professional listener fall asleep.
I am wasting her time.
Those were just a few of the thoughts running through my head. So the next day I called the center and said that they should cancel my next appointment because I would not be coming back.
Within two weeks I started seeing another therapist at a different practice and I felt an immediate difference. A few weeks into our sessions I felt like I had a better grip on my life and my thoughts and so I decided to stop counseling. My depression did not disappear, but I had dealt with some of my concerns, learned some new skills, and was able to function much better in my daily life.
It would have been so easy for me to just keep going to the counselor who fell asleep or to just never go to counseling again– but I decided that I was going to do whatever it took to have an improved state of mind and quality of life.
While counseling is not the answer for everyone, it can be a very useful tool for those who are experiencing psychological issues. For those that do take the risk and go to counseling I encourage you to look for a counselor who is willing to help you in the ways that you need. You deserve to feel comfortable, safe, acknowledged, and encouraged! If you know someone who would benefit from it, don’t be afraid to encourage them to go. Everyone needs help every once and a while, and looking for a good counselor should be nothing that you’re ashamed of.