Sifa and broke up a lot before we got married. While that’s probably pretty normal it was an ordeal for the both of us. I loved Sifa but anxiety kept overtaking me and it often ended in me breaking up with him. I had told him about my emotional struggles at the beginning of our relationship and and he accepted it, but honestly, he did not understand it.
Before starting medication to help with my anxiety and depression I was full of thoughts and contradictory emotions:
- I love Sifa.
- I never pictured myself with someone like him.
- I want to be with him all the time.
- I don’t know if I’m right for him.
- I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to marry anyone.
- I don’t trust that he loves me.
- People don’t think that we should be together.
- I can’t let other people know how much he means to me.
- I feel good when he says he wants to marry me, but do I really want to marry him?
- If we get married he will just end up hating me.
- He will lose interest in me.
- I don’t know if we could ever make it with our cultural differences.
- He doesn’t meet my family’s standards..
- Does he think about other women?
- I have to put on make-up and do my hair so he thinks I’m pretty.
- I bet he makes fun of me to his friends.
- Sifa is the only thing that makes me happy.
- If I can’t talk to him I won’t be able to get through my mood swings.
I was overwhelmed with love that I had never felt before, but I was filled with so much anxiety that I could not be content with the good that we had.
The last time we broke up it lasted a couple of months and my reasons had a lot more to do with me than with him. I felt that I needed to take care of my mental state without depending so much on Sifa and our relationship. It was so hard being without him those couple months, but it was also meant to be.
My moods did not get much better during those months, but I was learning more about myself. I learned that therapy, love, faith, and self-control was not always enough. That November I decided that it was time to go to the doctor. After starting my medication my mood swings almost completely vanished. I required less sleep, I rarely cried, I stopped panicking, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Sifa.
I met up with him Thanksgiving week and after a lot of talking we decided to get back together. We cried, we embraced, we laughed, and I could finally see a brighter future.
Since taking my medication:
- I love Sifa a million times more.
- The good qualities in Sifa are easier to remember.
- I am more confident in my body.
- I am more confident in our relationship.
- My mind doesn’t wander with “what ifs.”
- I can see a bright future.
- I am better at taking care of myself.
- There is no possibility of us ever breaking up.
- I never think about other men.
- It is easier to conquer fears.
- I am excited to raise our kids in a multicultural home.
- I understand how much he loves me.
- I am married to my best friend.
It has not been perfect since then, but my medication helped me to overcome the anxiety that was keeping me from having a healthy relationship. Now we have been married for nearly a year and I thank God for modern medicine because it has given me the ability to live a happier and healthier life with my best friend.